I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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