i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it was like eating out sand paper
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
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You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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