So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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