I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
