i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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