Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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