I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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