He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
