I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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