we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
