Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize