this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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