My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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