I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
