so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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