What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
