I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dignity is for republicans.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
