i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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