Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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