The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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