Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
