can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
