Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
