it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
