there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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