the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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