I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
