Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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