I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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