i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
