She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize