I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
