Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
