Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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