Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize