porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
