Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
