why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
