ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
