You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize