There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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