remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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