Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(772): View more from Florida

I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?

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(713): View more from Texas

on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems

Fav 13 1456 3279
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(925): View more from California

This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.

Fav 16 3761 1230
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(540): View more from Virginia

how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.

Fav 10 1726 766
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.

Fav 5 917 1180
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(606): View more from Kentucky

So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with

Fav 1 492 693
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(517): View more from Michigan

1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.

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