Semen is not good for contacts.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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