It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
