The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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