Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
