You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
