are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You have to summon your inner elephant
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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