so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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