Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize