Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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