You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
