Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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