Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
