3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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