i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
