I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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