And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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