I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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