Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
