Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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