Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
